we have gotten so many warm wishes from so many people that it is hard not to get caught up in the excitement. i have, i think, done a pretty good job of not expecting too much from this momentous occasion. i certainly have felt the (upcoming) pressure, but not so much of the anxiety of it. carol is, certainly, a trooper. she is a machine. she knows exactly where we will be and how many Yuan we'll need at any moment over the next 2 weeks. i have done what any good husband can do, stay out of her way and just hang on for the ride. i know how to do that. my biggest anxiety has to be of Alana not bonding or accepting us. we have gone to and read so many things over the last eighteen months that say the first 3 months are the most critical in an adopted child's attachment to the new parents that it is hard not to take it to heart.

of course, all that is written in the world has little bearing on what Alana will decide to do with us. but, it has to have some influence on how we are going to treat the first days of her life with us. if not, what does any of the work we have done over the last 2 years count for? she's had a hard enough ride, i am willing to give her the benefit of all that "common" knowledge even if she doesn't need it. yes, i am willing to face the scorn of family and friends for my daughter because 3 months of pain cannot compare to the "what if" after the fact. if that means alienating myself from others in my life, BFD. as long as she can have the chances she may or may not need is all that is important to us. consequences be damned. end rant.

sit down, shut up, hang on!